The Five Most Common Names for Newborns in 2008 - and other Campaign News

A Ratings Winner! The Bush Twins decide who gets to be VP.

The Guinness Book Of World Records has now officially declared the 2008 US presidential campaign the longest of all time.** It seems like candidates have been debating since the last millennium.

Now a trend is emerging across America as debating clubs for kids are springing up everywhere.

Gerald R. Ford (13, not his real name) is the President of an Omaha, Nebraska debating club: "Several recent studies*** have shown that crime has dropped sharply during evenings with televised Presidential debates. "

In Fact:

Iowa - one of the most dangerous places on earth! - saw a drastic reduction in rape, murder and other unpatriotic behaviour during the recent presidential primary - as youngsters stayed home to watch. "I mean, it's like Obama, Clinton, Mitt, I mean wack!" **** Explained three time national debate champion Josiah Bartlett.

It seems young Americans have never been more involved in Presidential politics and the art of rhetoric.

Back in June, 2007, Fox News announced plans ***** to televise a series of presidential debates between Chelsea Clinton and the Bush Twins for the 2020 election. The weekly debates have easily beaten Lost, American Idol and even the recent Super Bowl in the network ratings.

Miss Clinton: "As my mother, Mr. Edwards, Mr. Obama and three dozen Republicans have shown, it is never too early to begin campaigning. My main goal will be to remove American troops from Iraq during my first full year in office - 2021.

Jenna Bush: "Unfortunately I am not yet old enough to run for President so I am targeting the 2020 election. I think that works for my twin sister, although I forget exactly how old she is."

Barbara Bush: "Jenna has agreed to let me be the Vice-President. As Uncle Dick has explained, this is where the real power lies."

All three major networks have announced copy-cat debate reality shows, including a highly anticipated ABC/Disney series featuring former mouseketeers Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Justin Timberlake. Episode One: "why abortion is smart," airs this Tuesday.

No one has felt the growing debate trend more than Video Game companies. Hugh Jass, Director of Marketing at Nintendo: "Kids used to sit around the house surfing the Internet and playing Video games. Now they are out campaigning. They care about the future and want their voices to be heard"

To battle the trend, a plethora of "debating" video games will hit the stores this summer, including Activision's ****** highly anticipated President Hero that will include a real microphone. Gamers will have to use the microphone to dodge issues as they scroll toward the candidate.

In related news the five most common names for newborns in 2008:

1. Mitt
2. Barack
3. Rudy
4. John
5. George

Hillary was 3,208 on the list*

* This is true
** I made this up
*** I made this up
****your author cannot simulate cool / hip youth jargon
***** I made this up and then wrote it in an article; But funny!
****** I have patented copyrighted this idea.

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